Andrea in Atlanta

See you later Atlanta.

2008-12-13T18:50:00.003-05:00

The Atlanta season is over. I did it. I made it. I survived. And I had some fun in doing so. It was a good but sometimes difficult nine and a half months. I made friends; I created a life. And was it worth it? You bet it was.

I am so grateful to be part of the DBS study. All the people involved have been wonderful, but I'm not done with them yet, I still have to go back here and there for visits. And the DBS has worked. I'm not perfect, but I'm much better. I would definitely do it if I had to do it over again.

So I'm back in San Diego, but the scars will always be with me as a reminder of my time in Atlanta, good times. Thank you all for all your love, support and prayers. I could not have made it without all of you.

For Kelly...

2008-11-17T19:57:00.003-05:00

Here I am with short blonde hair. The color looks even better in person.

Death of a flat iron.

2008-09-29T14:12:00.005-04:00

It's a very tragic event when your flat iron decides to die on you. It happened to me just this morning. I was thoroughly enjoying the power and precision of my flat iron when I started to smell something funny and then came the smoke. I'm not sure you all know this, but I once had a tragic interaction with a flat iron in Europe. I had all the proper adapters and everything, but my flat iron decided to get too hot. I started flat ironing my bangs and noticed that they weren't very straight. So what did I do but flat iron them some more, which only made them even more frizzy. Yep, you got it, I burnt my bangs. I had to cut them all off so I had these tiny little baby bangs that were not at all trendy. Eventually they grew out and the pain faded, but thoughts of that horrific event came flooding back to me as I saw my flat iron smoking. God spared me this time though, no burnt hair.

I <3 New York!

2008-08-28T17:32:00.003-04:00

I just got to spend a glorious week in the city of New York! I love it there! I love just walking around exploring the different neighborhoods. I love stopping at a random restaurant to have a meal. I love sitting on the Subway and not paying attention like you have to do when you drive. I love spending time with my sister! I love that I get to go back for Thanksgiving.

I also love that I've been feeling amazingly good! Thank you all for your support and prayers! It looks as though this whole DBS thing is working for me! Can you tell I'm excited?! It's so nice to feel alive and interested in doing things other than watch tv. It's nice to go to the gym and feel excited after you leave. It's nice to actually laugh out loud while watching Jay Leno. It's nice to have a smile on my face for no good reason. I'm so thankful.

Rock the combover!

2008-07-28T21:16:00.005-04:00

This is my new hair. I just got it did today, many props to genius Drew! Does it look like I'm partially bald? I didn't think so. My hair is growing back but a substantial portion of it is only like 3/4 of a inch long, so it was time for the combover.

Things are so-so out here. I'm less fatigued and have a bit less anxiety but I'm hitting some new lows. They're not too fun. One theory is that the stimulator is making me feel instead of allowing me to be numb. Let me tell you, sometimes I wish I could go back to numb, it feels much better. But there is still hope. Against my wishes the DBS (deep brain stimulation) does not work magically and instantaneously, so I must still be patient. I'm going to start volunteering at the hospital soon hopefully. That will give me something to do. I've got a few other ideas lined up as well.

That's about all for now. I hopefully will be seeing some of you soon!

I'm on and so are my sunglasses!

2008-06-26T17:19:00.004-04:00

This picture is a request from my sister, it's a beautiful self-portrait of myself (duh) in my new sunglasses. I'm in love with them.

Okay, silly stuff aside... my electrodes have been turned on for sure for a week now. You might be asking, did magic occur? Well, I wish I could say it did but I wasn't that fortunate. I have seen some changes, but I'm not sure if it's just because I'm overanalyzing myself. I was watching the women's gymnastics Olympic trials on Saturday night and at first I was jealous. I was jealous that these girls actively got to work their butts off everyday to achieve their goals. I realize this might not sound fun to some of you, but I used to be an athlete in my former life and I do miss that. Let's translate that to today though. I feel like I just have to wait to see if the DBS will work for me and I'm tired of being patient. Then I had a revelation, I, too, can fight. I can make myself get out of the house, I can make myself go to the gym, I can make myself be social. Where is this all going? It's a sign that maybe the electricity is helping if I feel like fighting.

Another thing... this past week whenever I see a cute guy I check his ring finger to see whether or not he's married. Yes I have always wanted to get married, but this desire is stronger than it has been for awhile. It's quite ridiculous though, I don't think I'll be marrying some guy who passes me in the airport, but I guess you never know.

So those are my two main signs. As for the present, I'm going to continue waiting, I'm going to fight, and I'm going to check out the cute boys that pass me.

Scarves and more scarves...

2008-06-08T17:24:00.003-04:00

Hi Friends! I know it's been awhile and I apologize, no excuses, I'm just lazy. So this picture was taken a little over a week after my surgery. I look pretty well all things considered, don't you think? The surgery was a success. It went very smoothly other than the catheter that made me feel like I needed to pee really badly. Here comes the amazing part... Dr. Mayberg and Dr. Holtzheimer were in the surgery to test the electrodes so they asked me a lot of questions. They tested each side on its own. On both sides there was a setting that gave me a permasmile and made me laugh. They asked me what I would want to do if I were at home and I told them I wanted to skip around the neighborhood and jump for joy. Good sign. Then the following week I went in for some more testing and the same thing happened. My mom was there and she said my eyes were sparkly and my whole face lit up. It was like I was a different person. Unfortunately they couldn't leave it on. I have another week and a half before it's on for good and I'm very much looking forward to that. It's crazy how a little electricity can do so much and so quickly. I'm very thankful to have had this surgery.

Recovery hasn't been bad at all. Sure I was taking some good drugs at first but the pain hasn't been bad. I do look a little funny with so much of my hair shaven off but that's what they make scarves for. All in all I'm doing very well. Thank you all for so greatly supporting me.

It looks as though it's actually going to happen.

2008-05-09T20:49:00.004-04:00

My surgery is officially scheduled for May 16th, I have my pre-op appointment on the 15th, and I also get to be videotaped that day. I wish I could say that I was going to be a movie star, but I think only a few select people will get the pleasure of watching me on tape. It's been a long and yet short haul. I first started thinking about this about a year ago, started pursuing it in September, and now however many months later it's going to happen. I'm so thankful for all of your prayers and support! You all and the Lord keep me going. It's been a rough journey, but worth it.

I don't have very exact details about the time of the surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 6 am. Yikes! So I'll check in and then I get to change into a designer gown. They'll take me in the OR and then screw a stereotactic frame into my skull. From there I'll go have an MRI and then back to the OR for the magic to begin. Part of my head will be shaven, hopefully not too much, you know how I love my hair. Then Dr. Gross (my neurosurgeon) will make the incision and drill into one side of my skull. He will then proceed to feed a tiny microphone down into my brain to map out the areas of activity. It is with this that he will find the precise spot to implant the electrode. He'll take out the microphone and feed in the electrode. Then Dr. Mayberg (a genius) will work with me turning the electricity on and off to make sure everything is in the right place and to adjust the voltage. Once that side is done they'll do the exact same thing on the other side. They'll finish up the first part of the operation by putting caps into my skull that will serve to cover the holes in addition to keeping the wires in the right place. Then they will put me under general anethesia and put in the battery and run the wires down the side of my head and neck. It might be around 4 or so that they're completely finished. At some point that day or the next I'll have another MRI to check for any bleeding, but there's a really low chance of bleeding occurring. So that's that.

One week and I'll have an electric personality in addition to my magnetic one. (Kelly made me write that.)

My very cute new shoes!

2008-04-22T15:22:00.004-04:00

I finally found a decent sized Nordstrom! The other two were tiny and I was about to lose all hope, but I persisted and now happiness abounds. So we're in Nordstrom, I picked out these shoes but they didn't have my size left except for the ones another customer was trying on. My mom yells out "hey, we need those shoes" and the other girl hands them over. So really we stole them from her. Oops. I think it was worth it though.

17 Hundred 90 Inn, Room 204

2008-04-14T17:26:00.004-04:00

This is my roommate Laura. She's in room 204 in 17 Hundred 90 Inn in Savannah. You may think okay, too much info, but it's important. This specific room is supposed to be haunted by Anna, a girl who jumped out the window over 200 years ago. I will start by saying that I do not believe in ghosts even after this visit. We drove down to Savannah on Friday because Laura's friend David wanted to stay in this room but apparently Anna acts up more when there are females in the room, so that's how we got there. Laura and David are convinced that Anna exists in ghost form and I will proceed to tell you why. During the night the bed started vibrating (something that would be very easy for the hotel to do to fool guests), there was a moan (probably me), David's lighter made it across the room into his bag (he probably put it there in the first place), and Laura's alarm clock went off even though she turned it off (operator error in my opinion). As you can see my skepticism prevented me from believing in any of this.

The next day we went around Savannah a little. It's so beautiful there. They have these majestic trees in all over the city that have Spanish moss hanging off of them. If any of you have seen the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil you know what I'm talking about. We didn't stick around for too long, but it was fun.

Elephant Art and Zoo Atlanta

2008-04-03T16:21:00.005-04:00

My Aunt Nancy and Uncle Tom came into town this past weekend. We took in all the major tourist sites: Zoo Atlanta, CNN Center, MLK jr historical sites, and the Georgia Aquarium. Our first stop was Zoo Atlanta. It was a smaller zoo but still very nice. Unfortunately we were there on field trip Friday so we were surrounded by little kids in red shirts. Our main goal was to avoid them at all costs, although we weren't always successful.

My Aunt Nancy loves any and all gift shops so of course we had to stop at the zoo's gift shop. It was a pretty normal gift shop until we came to this little wall of abstract art. I was looking at the paintings wondering if little kids had done the artwork when my aunt found a little paper explaining that the elephants had done the paintings. We looked at them quickly but then decided they would be too expensive. Luckily we asked the price and they were only $60. So of course my aunt had to have one to place next to her tiger paw print. As we were choosing the painting one of the store workers pointed out that this one looked like a grasshopper. That's right, go back and take another look. It's pretty amazing that Dottie the elephant is so talented that she was able to paint a grasshopper, you all should be very impressed!

More time on my hands...

2008-03-28T23:34:00.002-04:00

My surgery date has been postponed yet again. I was told they might do it April 11th, but then this week one of the doctors told me they would not be there. I guess they're planning on partying or something. So the next possible surgery date is May 16th. I'm disappointed, but there's nothing I can do. So I must wait, wait, and wait some more, and then after that I will probably have to wait again. Only God knows if and when, I just have to put my faith in Him knowing that He is good.

Christmas @ Starbucks

2008-03-23T23:50:00.003-04:00

For those of you who like Peppermint Hot Chocolates or Mochas I have a little secret for you... you can still get them! I personally am a big fan of the Peppermint Hot Chocolates so I was quite pleased to have discovered this little secret.

Life has been pretty uneventful the past week or so. Although being told I wasn't going to have my surgery on the scheduled date was a pretty big deal. We're hoping for April 11th, we'll see if that happens. So for now I'm just waiting and praying.

I went to a very interesting church service on Good Friday. Basically no one spoke. They had worship music and they flashed verses on five very large screens in many different fonts, and the best part was this painting they did of Jesus on the cross. Three men painted three different glass panes and then combined them together to reveal a beautiful painting. At first it looked like gibberish, I didn't understand what they were doing, but then it came to life. It's kinda like when your life is a mess and as time passes you begin to see the masterpiece that God is putting together out of all that chaos. It's pretty remarkable.

Until next time,

Andrea

I got my hair did!

2008-03-16T15:46:00.004-04:00

I finally got to go to the fabulous and amazing Vidal Sassoon salon. Now aesthetically it wasn't overly pleasing, but I had a nice time there. The best part was that both my stylist and colorist were highly trained and I didn't have to worry about what they were doing to my hair. My colorist was Drew, he's from Escondido and was a great guy. And my stylist was Ashley, she originally worked in the Beverly Hills salon (she told me that the clients are much nicer in Atlanta).

Thomas the Train and Me.

2008-03-16T15:19:00.005-04:00

I was in the lab (the place where the people who are doing crazy experiments on me work) and Margaret (one of the aforementioned people) is eating lunch. She comes toward me carrying a Thomas the Train lunch box and I was embarrassed for her, I mean she's 24, she could stand to be a little cooler. Little do I know the lunch box is full of 18 test tubes that I am to spit in and I have to leave the lab and walk through the hospital all the way to my car carrying Thomas the Train. Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed. (In case you're wondering, they're collecting my spit over three days to do endocrine testing. What that has to do with anything I don't know, they just like making me do random things.)

Holy Tornado!

2008-03-15T00:42:00.002-04:00

I'm sure most of you have heard about the tornado that hit downtown Atlanta. Let me start off by saying that me, my house, and my car are all completely fine. Funny thing is that my roommate Laura and I were in Midtown at Borders tonight, and decided to leave there around 9.30. Little did we know that we were only two miles ahead of the tornado. We were basically running away from it without having any clue of the disaster that was going on. We did experience rain, the kind that you don't get in San Diego, it was pouring so hard I could barely see out of the car. But we made it home safely. I'm about to climb into my nice warm, safe bed and call it a night. So goodnight.

Is the word ambulance positive, negative, or neutral?

2008-03-11T23:46:00.005-04:00

Today I had the joy of another MRI, but this time they decided to entertain me. They put words up, one at a time, on a screen, and with the use of 3 little buttons I was to declare a word positive, negative, or neutral. Most of the words were easy, a negative word being suffering (although in some ways suffering is positive; more on that later), a positive word being joy, and a neutral word being height. Now I know there may be some arguments on my choices, but that's okay. So I came to the word ambulance. It was in a series of negative words so really I was probably supposed to call it negative. I mean an ambulance only comes when something bad happens, but I called it a positive because I am very thankful that we have ambulances in times of need. Maybe to be fair I should have called it neutral.

How can suffering be positive? Rather than going into a lengthy discussion on the subject I will only say this, God makes you who you are through suffering. I suppose that if you choose you can become bitter after suffering, but let's hope that you will allow it to make you a better person. I have grown a lot due to depression. I'm not saying it's been fun, but God has definitely used it for good.

47 hours with goo...

2008-03-08T19:46:00.003-05:00

I was lucky enough to spend the last 47 hours in a sleep lab. What does that have to do with goo? Let me enlighten you. When you do a sleep study they put all sorts of electrodes in various places and unfortunately they attach the electrodes with goo. So I got to walk around a tiny sleep center with electrodes and goo all over me. I looked really cute. I'd show you a picture, but I can't get my cell phone images to the computer so that will be a challenge for another day.

So what did I do all 47 hours? I did not sleep the whole time, although that would have been nice because it would have passed more quickly. I slept both nights and then during the days they would tell me at appointed times to try and take a nap, of course when you did fall asleep they only let you sleep for 15 minutes and then you got a rude awakening. The rest of the time I got to watch tv, read, and eat these wonderfully prepared meals brought in from the hospital cafeteria. Breakfast consisted of cereal, milk, orange juice, a bagel, cream cheese and a well bruised banana. Lunch was a ham and turkey sandwich, chips, an apple, cookies, a jello cup, and a fruit bowl. Then dinner got very exciting. It consisted of a warm meal of chicken, green beans, and rice, and let me tell you they think that flavor is unhealthy or something because there was absolutely no flavor. But don't fear, they also gave me another lovely fruit bowl and some oreos.

The first night that I was there I was talking to my good friend Alicia. Somehow we got on the subject of mexican food and I was dying for it. So what did I do as soon as I left the sleep lab? I went straight to Taco Bell. If any of you happen to know of a good mexican restaurant in Atlanta I'd love to know.

So that was my last 47 hours. Did any of you fare any better?

Atlanta has finally arrived...

2008-03-04T22:42:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting in my new bedroom, in my new townhouse, in my new city, in my new state. My roommates have gone to bed, it's completely still and quiet, except, of course, for the sound of my keyboard. As I look around my room everything is in its perfect place, we'll see how long that lasts.

Driving around Atlanta has proven to be a bit frustrating. I thought I was so cool using my iPod touch to get directions to Ikea until I realized I had put the wrong address in and we ended up being many miles from the actual Ikea. 411 is a very useful tool as we were able to get to the actual Ikea. I feel like I am making progress though. I've figured out how to get on and off the freeway that is by my house; it's a skill that has proven to be useful. And as for my iPod touch, I haven't fired it quite yet, especially since it was the operator's error.

I miss you all. I'll write more later.

Love, Andrea